


To Go On

by matchynishi



Category: SHINee, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Canon, M/M, Making Out, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2018-09-06 04:15:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8734537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matchynishi/pseuds/matchynishi
Summary: Jimin knows that he's so damn lucky. He really shouldn't be tempting fate by wishing for any more. But sometimes... he just can't help it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed. Apologies for any mistakes I didn't catch.
> 
> My eternal thanks to my bae Taemin, and _his_ bae, Jimin, for launching what was a wishful crackship into the world like a luxury liner. :') 
> 
> Reviews are loved!

“Hey, who put the baby next to Taemin?? Where’s Wonshik or Jongin when you need them?”

Jimin ducks his head, embarrassment flooding his cheeks at Moonkyu’s laughing demand. His eyes catch Taemin’s, and the embarrassment fades to laughter at Taemin's indignant face. Moonkyu’s still cackling. Clearly he’s long grown immune to all of Taemin’s faces because he doesn’t even blink at Taemin's exaggerated retorts. 

“All I’m saying is, he doesn’t need to be corrupted-”

“Oh, I don’t know, he seems to have that quite in hand all by himself already,” Kwonho muses from the corner suddenly, nose inches from his phone and eyebrows raised, and Jimin suddenly realizes that he’s watching one of _his_ performances.

Taemin is still pouting. “Yes, thank you, Kwonho-”

Moonkyu, Jimin has come to realize, seems to be incapable of shame. “Ooh is that the one where he tore off his shirt, let me see-”

Jimin’s body deals with the influx of mortification by hurling itself across the table before his mind completely catches up. He manages to knock Kwonho’s phone away, which is a plus – especially since he manages it before Moonkyu gets his hands on it. But the phone actually flies off and lands right beside Taemin, which is- 

Okay. Jimin doesn’t quite know whether to classify it as Good, or Bad, or Something That He’s Determinedly Not Thinking About in the hopes that denial is the safest way to stay. Because Taemin is _fast_ and plucks the phone away before Jimin can manage to steal it away.

Watching Taemin watch himself on the screen is something Jimin still doesn’t know quite how to accept. Disbelief, accomplishment, mortification, and pride war in his chest along with an onslaught of a dozen other emotions that Jimin doesn’t quite dare to identify.

Part of it is that Taemin never just watches the performance like everybody else; there’s always a stillness in his eyes that show that he actually _sees_. Sees all the little gestures Jimin puts in to complete the move, all the effort put into turning a dance move from good to _great_. Gets what fuels the reflexive upturn of the lip that comes from forgetting the awkwardness of performing in front of all the names he’s known as a kid, and actually losing himself in the music.

It’s rewarding to know that someone understands just why he spends so much time on certain things, when really, it’s obvious that you could get three times the number of screams instead by taking your shirt off.

It’s not that he hates those screams, either, it’s just… a little disheartening sometimes. But then it’s not like he doesn’t know how the world works.

The other part is. Well. 

Taemin is watching the video with his head propped on his fist, looking for all the world like a proud father, which makes Jimin want to smile even as he’s curling up in embarrassment. But there’s a moment when the gaze that slants towards Jimin is edged, and for an instant Jimin’s breath hitches, and he loses his bearings, focused only on those eyes.

It only seems to last for a second before the expression melts back into a teasing grin, which, also, never fails to fluster Jimin. The delighted laugh when Jimin covers his face with a heartfelt groan is just icing on the cake. Which is still okay, because it gives Jimin a few seconds to get himself back in hand, taking a deep breath.

Because Jimin is almost 99% --hmm, maybe make it 98%, best not to give himself the best odds – okay, so 98% sure that Taemin hasn’t noticed the unfortunate case of hero-worship Jimin carries around in his presence. Thankfully Jimin hasn’t done anything to show it, except maybe stutter a bit more than usual, and that can be explained away because he’s talking to someone he grew up seeing on TV. 

Well, he hopes.

Because he doesn't know what he'd do if Taemin actually knew about his tiny man-crush. (Every other girl group has a girl crush concept, he can totally have a man-crush. It's the current concept of his life.)

Well, maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal. As gorgeous as he is, Taemin _has_ to have dealt with more than a few people who have been attracted to him during his time in the industry. Maybe one more wouldn't be anything out of the norm. Taemin is pretty chill about a lot of things that most people would freak out about, but then again, he's also oblivious to the most obvious things. These are both understandable when you think about the life Taemin has had from a young age, but it also makes him extremely unpredictable at the oddest times.

Jimin still isn't going to push his luck, though. He's thankful enough, now.

That is, until there’s a lull in the proceedings when Taemin gets a call from one of the producers he’s working with on his solo album, and then everyone realizes that it’s late enough that they should all just call it a night. 

Moonkyu and Jimin live in the same direction, so they walk out together after their goodbyes, Moonkyu carelessly slinging an arm around him as the two of them wander out. Moonkyu snarks about all the hoops Kwonho’s girlfriend is making him jump through, and Jimin is buzzed enough that he can’t stop gigging at Moonkyu’s hilarious imitations of a woebegone Kwonho. 

He's mildly surprised (and pleased) when the both of them stumble along and actually reach Jimin's street without any major (or minor) mishaps. The good mood stays till he turns around, which is when he realizes that Moonkyu's been rather quiet for a suspiciously long period of time. And sure enough, Moonkyu's halted, his head tilted curiously, looking at Jimin with a half-smile. 

Jimin raises his eyebrows. "What? Is there something on my face, or-"

"You know, right?" 

Jimin stops short, confused.

"What?" he asks, blinking. 

Moonkyu continues being singularly unhelpful. "You know," he says, eyebrows waggling. "Your _thing_." 

"Thing?" Jimin is baffled. "What thing?"

"For Taemin," Moonkyu says casually.

"For Taemin," Jimin repeats without really absorbing it, and then actually thinks about it. Even in his buzzed state, it only takes a few seconds before he flushes brilliantly.

"Oh good," Moonkyu nods, like he hasn't just handed Jimin the conversational equivalent of a heart attack. "I'm not in the mood to make you admit things to yourself like a love therapist or something." He frowns at himself. "Definitely when I'm not this drunk."

Jimin is sadly in no position to actually reply to this.

Moonkyu doesn't seem to have noticed Jimin's horrified expression, and keeps on talking. "I just wanted you to know, you know-"

"I already know!" Jimin manages to squeak out, and starts backing away. "Thank you, hyung, for, um, checking, now I'm just gonna-"

"-that he knows," Moonkyu finishes loudly, and looks quite pleased with himself.

Jimin stops and stares. Moonkyu can't be saying what he thinks he's saying. "He _knows_?" 

Moonkyu grins at the aghast Jimin.

"How??" If Jimin's arms weren't frozen to his sides, he'd be clawing his face, he's sure of it. "Did you tell him?" he asks, frantic. "Why would you-"

"Of course not," Moonkyu replies, offended. "And I don't need to, either!"

Jimin goggles for a minute, then slumps in place. "I didn't think I was that obvious."

Moonkyu pats his shoulder encouragingly. "You aren't, not really. It's just that it's _Taemin_. He always knows."

Jimin is so confused. 

"Weird as fuck," Moonyu admits, sighing. "But that's what happens when you go on national TV from like, fourteen, I guess. No idea how to survive without someone picking up after him, but scarily accurate at the weirdest shit. Like reading people."

Jimin wants to kind of stop Moonkyu from talking at this point. Maybe he could plead self-preservation and beg forgiveness for disrespecting a hyung later. Play up his drunkenness, maybe. No-one would blame him. Not even Taemin (he hopes).

But Moonkyu is _still_ talking. 

"Realized about poor Jongin's crush before _Jongin_ knew, even, that was pretty funny," Moonkyu says, grinning. Jimin opens his mouth, then closes it. It's probably better not to ask.

"Anyway!" Moonkyu claps his hands. Jimin jumps. Moonkyu leans forward and places both his hands on Jimin's shoulders. "Just, you know, think about it. Be sure."

"Think about it?" Jimin repeats. He wonders if feeling stupid is just a byproduct of being in the vicinity of Moonkyu. It'd certainly explain some of the warnings he'd been given by Wonshik-hyung and Kwonho-hyung, at least. "I don't understand- think about what?"

"If you're gonna try for him, of course," Moonkyu replies impatiently, like Jimin's being intentionally obtuse.

Jimin's mind pretty much gives up at this point.

"If you're just gonna leave it as it is, he'll probably go with it, he's cool like that," Moonkyu says, nodding, blissfully unaware of the affect his words are having. "But if you _are_ gonna go for it, just, you know..."

"...Be sure?" Jimin asks, voice cracking halfway.

Moonkyu nods, pleased. He claps Jimin on the back, and turns away.

"Hyung, wait," Jimin starts forward, clutching desperately at Moonkyu's jacket. "I didn't think, he's not... I'm not even-"

Moonkyu is staring at him, eyebrow raised. Jimin deliberately halts his word vomit, and takes a deep breath. 

"Taemin hyung's been very kind to me," he says quietly, dropping his gaze. "And all of you, too, and I'm really thankful. But he's really..." Jimin trails off when he meets Moonkyu's eyes. Something in them makes the words he _should_ be saying dry up in his mouth, and blurt out what he really wants to know.

"Hyung, he's... do you think that I." Jimin drags in a shaking breath, and goes for broke. "...that I even have a chance?" The last words come out smaller, shakier than he intended, and his fingers curls into his sweating palms.

Moonkyu looks at him for a long minute before he snorts, laughs a little. He shakes his head, then steps forward and hugs Jimin tightly. The leather of his jacket is a little cold, but he feels strong and solid, and Jimin feels a little more grounded. 

As close together as they are, Jimin clearly feel it when Moonkyu sighs deeply. 

"Can't quite decide whether you're another weird genius, or just an idiot," he says, chuckling, and huffs. "Well, at least you'll fit right in."

When Jimin turns his head to look up questioningly, Moonkyu presses his lips together. "Coz it looks like you've already decided, hm?" The question is soft, with an undertone of amusement Jimin can't miss. He stays for a few moments more, then steps back, roughly messing up Jimin's hair. 

"Good luck, kid."

He gives Jimin one last smile and wave, and turns to leave. He doesn't look back.

Jimin stands rooted in place for a long while afterwards.

 

\--- (tbc).


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimin really needs a month or two in relative peace to digest his talk with Moonkyu. Not like there's any chance of getting it.

Over the next few days, Jimin’s schedule is packed enough that his heroic attempts to stop obsessing over his conversation with Moonkyu and concentrate on his job actually works for the most part. Even at night, his body makes the decision for him, shutting down as soon as he crashes on the bed (or against any animate or inanimate resting place, it’s not picky). His groupmates offer a minimum of complaints, considering they’re all in the same situation. But there’s a marked zeal that infects everyone in the company, nowadays. It feels like they’re on the verge of something great. It’s unspoken, yet underlined in every decision that’s taken by the company. Everyone in the group recognizes it, and tries their hardest with their individual strengths and weaknesses.

Jimin has been trying, too, especially the vocal department, except he feels a lot of the time that it’s one step forward, two steps back, no matter what he does. Yoongi shakes his head and drawls about overly-self-critical pains-in-the-asses, but takes him out to eat whenever he can (which is not often due to their schedules, but it’s the thought that counts), and Jimin knows he’d have been having a harder time of it otherwise.

Because distractions are important too.

Which can also be what Jungkook… being Jungkook can also be classified as. Lately Jimin has been trying to act more mature when it comes to the maknae, but Jungkook knows how to push his buttons like nobody else, and Jimin needs to learn how to be a far better person that he currently is, to stop letting him. Jungkook is a whole other story, though, and not a topic Jimin feels like entertaining at the current moment, so it all gets mentally shoved to the side till he can get a hold of himself. 

Probably not the best idea, that. Procrastination has never worked for him.

All of this results in spacing out at random times… or at times when he really should be paying attention. He does get more than a few raised brows, and Hoseok takes him aside afterwards to ask if everything is alright when Jimin misses a few too many steps during three practises in a row. Jimin stares at his earnest eyes, and his heart feels so full at the hesitantly expressed concern that Hoseok suddenly finds himself hugged within an inch of his life, and dragged out for coffee (“My treat, hyung!”).

He does accept Jimin’s excuse about his singing worries, however, and thankfully does not ask for other details, and they spend an enjoyable half-hour venting about their worries about the comeback to each other. Which is ideal, because Jimin sucks at keeping secrets, and he’s honestly not sure of what Hoseok-hyung’s reaction would’ve been if anyone found out about the company he’s been keeping, lately.

Not that it’s a big secret or anything. He’s more than a little ashamed to admit to himself that he wants to keep his newly-made friends to himself for a bit more time. He knows, logically, that they’re not the kind of people to just stop hanging out with him if they get closer to anyone else from his group (of the same age, maybe??), and that he’s not any less valuable than any of the others. But knowing that, and persuading himself to let go of his own deep-seated insecurities are another thing altogether.

His good mood lasts until he gets a text from Wonshik about going out for dinner with the others. Jimin freezes for a moment before remembering that Taemin isn’t in the country. He heaves a sigh of relief and quickly texts his assent.

Neither Jongin or Taemin are there, but Wonshik nods a greeting when he finally walks in, and it’s awhile before they order any food, with Wonshik hilariously recounting his tale of a crazy fan he encountered. He manages to forget his worries for a little while, at least, but it all slams back to him when Sungwoon, who’d joined them with Moonkyu, asks about the comeback prep. He can’t stop himself from grimacing, and doesn’t really want to ruin the mood, but. Everyone here is sincerely interested, and somehow he finds himself blurting out all his worries about his vocals, and how he fears it’s leaking into his performance, and, well, most of the rest of what he hadn’t had time to talk to Hoseok-hyung about.

Which is also one reason why he’s so thankful he found - and was accepted by - this group of friends. Talking about things that he needs to get out of his head is just so… easy, with them. Not that he has any problems with the rest of Bangtan, but sometimes there just isn’t enough _time_.

“Man, this takes me back.”

Jimin looks up from his downcast exploration of his wine to see Sungwoon and Moonkyu exchanging dry glances with each other.

“What do you mean?” he asks, uncertain. 

He’s started to hang around with them pretty recently, but he’s very aware that the core group has pretty much grown up together. They’re good about including everyone and giving explanations most of the time, but sometimes the inside jokes slip out, like when Moonkyu suddenly blurts out a random word and starts shrieking with laughter, and half the group facepalms, while the other half stares in bewilderment – usually him and Wonshik. The weirdest are the ones that doesn’t even need to be said aloud – Jimin is never sure what to do then, and usually ends up just blinking in confusion. Taemin seems to be an expert at these, especially the ones that make (mostly) Jongin blush deep and slump down/glare/groan/slap the back of Taemin’s head, depending on the situation. Jimin figures it’s natural how the both of them are so close, considering how they’re the last two still with SM.

Sungwoon shakes his head. “Ah, nothing much,” he replies, smiling at Jimin. “It’s just, a few years back, Taemin used to talk about this kind of thing too.”

Wonshik, next to him, frowns. “You mean, when he was debuting for his solo? He didn’t seem-”

“Nope, this was before your time, Wonshik,” Moonkyu interrupts. “Back when Taemin was still a small, tiny-”

Wonshik rolls his eyes. “We’re all the same age, Moonkyu.”

Jimin clears his throat.

“…Not including the maknae, sorry Jiminnie.”

“Ah, that’s ok-”

“-A SMALL, TINY-”

“Moonkyu, stop banging on the table.” It’s Sungwoon, this time.

“Alright, alright, fine, I’ll be blunt then. We were all still minors and Taeminnie was still making the noonas want to mother him instead of dropping to their kn-”

“MOONKYU.”

There is a small scuffle where Sungwoon tries to shut Moonkyu up by forcefully jamming a large piece of the leftover bbq into Moonkyu’s mouth. Wonshik sighs deeply and refills his glass. Jimin tries hard to keep from snickering at them, but it’s a wasted effort. Sungwoon tries so hard, but Moonkyu is shameless, and Jimin will probably end up being corrupted just like he wants. It’s still fun to see the metaphorical tug-of-war of Jimin’s (not-so-existent) innocence between the two of them. If Taemin was here, he’d have egged both of them on, probably. 

Sungwoon wins this one, and hurriedly picks up the story. 

“What Moonkyu meant, was this was like, pretty far back. A few years back, like, 2010? No, wasn’t it 2011?” Sungwoon turns to Moonkyu in question.

Moonkyu glares at him and chews resentfully. Sungwoon hurriedly turns back.

“Anyway, he’d improved enough to get more lines, right, but he was having problems delivering without compromising on his dancing,” Sungwoon says, nodding to himself. “He couldn’t tell the trainers what he was really thinking when he really disagreed with some of them, so guess who got to hear all about it?”

Next to him, Wonshik leans forward with interest. Jimin understands. This was before his debut. Before _Wonshik_ ’s debut with VIXX, even. 

“And well, at the time, none of us were really equipped to advise him any better than like, Jonghyun-hyung or the rest could, you know?”

Jimin nods slowly. Really, it was true. He knows it’s easier on all of them now, in a way, now that all of them had debuted, even with the wildly disparate debut timings and popularities, but back then? When SHINee had years of experience on every one of them? He still wonders how they were able to stick together.

“Not to mention, none of us even sang at the time, so what the hell did we know,” Moonkyu says, snickering, having finally finished his mouthful, and stealing Sungwoon’s soju in revenge.

“Yeah, we were all so into just dancing – god, remember Jongin?” Sungwoon laughs into his hand, and Moonkyu’s lips twitch before he gives up trying to ignore Sungwoon. 

“Jonginnie was all ‘but why would you want to sing when you can dance’, and he had this confused expression like he really didn’t get it, and Taemin was all frowny and all ‘because I want to’. Jongin kept insisting Taemin was the best dancer, like it was totally unbelievable that he’d need to cut back on dancing if he needed the breath control for any high notes, and it definitely wasn’t what Taeminnie needed to hear at that time, and it was like this train wreck you couldn’t look away from, you know?” Moonkyu shakes his head, rolling his eyes.

“Anyway, we tried our best to encourage him, though I wonder if we did any good,” Sungwoon laughs, self-depreciating. Moonkyu had no such qualms.

“Oh, I’m sure we told him all the wrong things,” he says, blunt as ever. “And he listened to all of us and nodded seriously, and we all felt like we were Buddhas, with all the advice we dispensed, and then he probably went and did exactly as he pleased. Like always.”

Jimin was startled into laughter. “Really?”

Moonkyu snorts. “Seriously, you’re asking that? It’s _Taemin_.”

Wonshik nods seriously. “Look he’s like tofu,” he starts, and the others groan. 

“Wonshik, please, not again-”

“God damn it, you idiot, will you stop with this stupid tofu thing-”

“-with a hard centre, like a diamond, because nobody can break it,” Wonshik says determinedly, voice raised, ignoring the other two. “He’ll listen to everyone, and absorb what everyone says, and you think he’s totally got what you’re saying, but in the end, he’ll just end up doing whatever the fuck he wants,” Wonshik says, snorting. “And it’ll _work_.”

Moonkyu sighs. 

Jimin is fascinated. 

“Really?”

Moonkyu shrugs. “Think about it.”

Jimin does. If all this was in 2011, then the next comeback was in 2012. What did SHINee do in 2012? Ah, he knows – Sherlock, with all that mediaplay about the choreo, _and_ , he remembers, high notes for Taemin. He remembers, because like every other trainee around that time, he’d tried hard to get the main parts of the dance down. 

He flicks his eyes up, Moonkyu is staring at him over his glass with a crooked smile. 

Later, right before they leave, Sungwoon is the one to draw him aside, telling him to call Taemin.

Jimin looks up at him, breath seizing in his throat, and Sungwoon looks back expectantly. His gaze is clear, and there’s no teasing in them to display that Moonkyu’s told him anything about their… talk.

“I know we joked around, today,” Sungwoon says, rubbing the back of his head. “But I really think he can help you. He’s probably figured out a lot of things.” 

Jimin doesn’t even know what to say to Taemin, despite breaking his head over the issue ever since that night with Moonkyu. He hasn’t really figured out how to even approach him, but Sungwoon is so sincere in his desire to help, and so sweetly concerned that Jimin can’t stop himself from agreeing to it.

Moonkyu just grins at him when he leaves. Jimin is pretty sure Moonkyu has an idea of what Sungwoon wanted to talk to him about. There’s just this amusement in his eyes, somehow, but he’s kept Jimin’s secret, and well, Moonkyu is… Moonkyu.

Later that night, he stares at his phone, at Taemin’s number illuminated in the dark of his room, and wills himself to press the damn button. It takes him almost an hour before he gets up the nerve.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I'm getting people right. I'm not as familiar with BTS as I am with SHINee, so I hope I'm believeable with my headcanons and characterizations. Please review! :) ❤


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimin presses Taemin's number (finally).

It actually is such an anticlimax when he finally gets Taemin on the phone that Jimin isn’t quite sure why he was so nervous. He’d hoped to catch Taemin at the right time – he’s been warned of the random phases where Taemin utterly ignores any and all attempts to communicate. Jimin, clutching the phone, had been right on the verge of losing his nerve, trying to persuade himself that it’d be a better idea to talk later when they’re both at least in the same country, and had been internally bracing himself to leave a message when Taemin suddenly picks up. 

He sounds exhausted. Jimin has second, third and fourth thoughts about disturbing him about something inconsequential, and mentally curses at Moonkyu, Sungwoon, and himself, too, for good measure.

“Jimin?”

Taemin sounds tentative, and well. It _is_ their first time actually talking on the phone. Group chats and texts were just not the same thing, somehow.

“H-hey, Taemin-hyung. I was wondering if you had a few minutes to talk?”

Taemin hums, questioning. “Mm, go ahead. Everything okay?”

Jimin wishes he could stop talking so fast. Knowing the problem doesn’t help, however. “Yeah, I just wanted to ask your advice on some things, and Sungwoon-hyung said… um, this… isn’t a bad time, is it?”

Jimin actually finds that it’s easier to deal with Taemin on the phone, because at least he can concentrate on what Taemin is saying. As opposed to when he’s right there in front of Jimin, and he actually has to pay attention to Taemin is saying _while_ trying not to stare, or stutter, or dealing with Taemin’s… everything.

Despite the tiredness echoing in his voice, Jimin can hear when Taemin relaxes into the conversation. “Nope, it’s fine, you caught me at a good time. What’s up?”

Jimin hesitates for a brief moment and only stutters for a little bit before he unloads everything in his mind in a waterfall of words.

Taemin is quiet for a long moment when Jimin finally stumbles to a stop. Jimin is in the middle of second-guessing everything he’s just said when Taemin finally breaks his silence.

“Jiminnie, you’ve been singing lead vocals since your debut, right?”

At Jimin’s agreement, Taemin’s voice turns quizzical. “If you don’t mind my asking, is it just that you’re finding it more difficult _now_ , or that you’re frustrated with your improvement?”

Jimin takes in a startled breath. Taemin doesn’t seem to have noticed that he’s cut right into the meat of Jimin’s issues, and continues talking.

“Because you know they’re two entirely different scenarios, right? As are how you’d deal with them.”

Taemin seems quite content to wait out Jimin at this time, so Jimin forces himself to start talking.

Jimin chews on his lips. “It’s… it’s both, hyung. The parts are getting harder, and I don’t know if I’m doing justice to the level of choreo during lives, _or_ the singing, and… I just, I don’t know, everything seems messy, now.”

Taemin waits a beat before replying. “I find it hard to believe you don’t have most of it figured out already. I’ve seen your choreo. Not like it got way harder all of a sudden.”

Jimin doesn’t think Taemin gets the extent of his problem. “But hyung, I need to be _better_ , to support the members… like when you were able to, all those years ago, and keep showing good results, and-” 

“Jiminnie.” Taemin’s voice is sharp and effectively cuts through Jimin’s frustration. “I’m not saying there isn’t room for improvement. What I _am_ saying is that you don’t need to equate yourself with the way I was back in 2010.”

“I’m not as good as you were, hyung-”

“Jimin,” Taemin interrupts quietly. “Right now, you’re _better_.”

That stuns Jimin enough to silence him.

Taemin huffs a laugh. “Trust me, I was so bad at first that I needed all the handholding I could wrangle. I took advantage of Jonghyun-hyung a lot.”

“He seems nice..?”

Taemin snorts. “He is, for the most part. He’d call me a little brat, but he was more patient with me than all the vocal trainers. I’m just lucky he likes me.” Taemin sounds happily smug.

Jimin’s smile dims at the mention of the vocal trainers. He doesn’t cringe anymore when he remembers what the coaches keep telling him. Much.

Taemin seems to understand the silence. “Jimin,” he says gently. “You don’t need to rework all your basics, no matter what other people say. I know you, you’re not the kind of person to start off with bad techniques. You may need to take a thorough look at them, to see how your techniques work when you’re performing so you know what to improve. You may even need to make compromises on what you need to do, to get the best results… at least at first.”

Jimin swallows back the involuntary objection at the word ‘compromise’. It’s now officially his least favourite word. “At first?”

“Well. You’re going to want to know what you have to work on next, right?”

Taemin seems completely certain of that. That Jimin will keep improving, keep working till he figures things out. Something in his chest eases at the easy faith Taemin has in him.

“R- right.”

Taemin makes a considering sound. “Jiminnie, you’ll always know your body best. The vocal coaches come up with advice that you really need to think about and adopt for the most part. But at a certain point, you need to start doing what actually works for you, or no-one will be satisfied. Not them, and definitely not you.”

Jimin blinks.

“You have to listen to your instincts. It’s a bit like when you’re dancing, and when you know your body can strain that little bit to make it… and when to stop right before it gets to be too much so you don’t have to deal with the cramps after.”

“But, hyung, what if I don’t realize, and-”

“Jimin.” Taemin’s voice is full of a conviction that Jimin wishes he could borrow. “You’ll know.” 

Jimin’s eyes go wide.

“I’m not even gonna get into whether you’ve been down because you’re comparing to someone else and coming up short. Because you wouldn’t do _that_ , would you, Jiminnie?”

Taemin sounds perfectly pleasant, but something in the tone has Jimin scrambling to reply.

“No!” he says quickly. Taemin waits. “Not… much,” he adds on belatedly, in the interests of honesty, and tries not to think of Jungkook.

Taemin doesn’t seem surprised. Jimin doesn’t really expect him to be, either.

“I know it’s easy to say,” Taemin states. “But you really need to keep faith in yourself. You’ve come so far.”

“But everybody-”

Taemin interrupts. “Other people don’t matter as much as you sometimes think they do, Jimin. Figuring yourself out isn’t for them, just you.”

Jimin bites his lips, uncertainties building. “But what if I can’t? What if I can’t stop second-guessing myself and it affects my performances negatively?”

Taemin sighs. “It’s normal, Jiminnie. You can doubt yourself, get frustrated, but you’ll _still_ have the exact same problems you’ve started with. So it’s better to work on things… slow is better than being stuck, right?”

Jimin drops his eyes down and doesn’t say anything. Taemin’s voice gentles. “Hey… don’t let it get you too down. Even some of the best people I know – like Jonghyun-hyung – still have trouble with themselves.”

Jimin chokes. “I’m not- I can’t… Jonghyun-hyung is amazing!” Jonghyun is one of the best idols in the business in his view, no matter what problems he wrestles with personally, and he can’t even begin to start thinking of _himself_ as anywhere close.

Taemin is still talking in that soft tone. “You know you will be too.” And then his voice turns teasing. “That is, if you don’t think you are, already.”

Jimin knows the correct response is to laugh, join in the teasing, but he just- he can’t.

“…Jimin?” Taemin’s voice is a question.

“I-” Jimin’s voice breaks half-way through. “I’m here.” 

He appreciates all that Taemin is telling him, but it’s almost like he’s doomed to be plagued with self-doubt all his life. No matter what, there is that niggling sense of ‘why am I not good enough for _this_ ’ that keeps running through his head at odd times; a voice that’s almost impossible to silence. 

Maybe Taemin gets some of Jimin’s unspoken doubts because there is a long silence. 

Taemin finally breathes a little sigh, and then his voice firms. “Okay, so. Okay. Jimin.”

Jimin blinks. 

“This may be a bit strange to say, but maybe…” Taemin trails off, like he’s searching for words.

Jimin furrows his brows. “Hyung..?”

Taemin’s voice is quiet, but no less certain for it. “Jimin. If you find it hard when it comes to yourself… does it help, if... if I tell you to believe _me_ when I say you can do it?”

Jimin’s breath stutters in his throat. “H-hyung, what-”

Taemin doesn’t let him re-surface his doubts. “If you can’t see what I see, Jiminnie, then maybe you can… you can try to trust _me_ when I say that I see it in you.”

Jimin feels lightheaded, and he’s not totally sure why.

“Because, Jiminnie,” Taemin says, voice soft, “I really do.”

Jimin’s breath hitches, and he wonders if it can be just that easy. He’d often wished wistfully that he could steal a bit of his colleagues’ assurance in themselves. He’s been dealing with his self-confidence issues for long enough that he’s had a lot of people tell him to believe in himself, people who give him declarations of their belief in him. It’s well-meant, and has done absolutely nothing for Jimin’s personal demons. 

What Taemin is saying… feels different.

This… this is like Taemin is giving him acquiescence, to lean on strength he finds it hard to believe he himself possesses. Like a wall; a support firm and cool and absolutely unyielding against his back when his legs absolutely fail to prop him up, and he can’t make himself lie down for fear he may not make himself get back up.

“Hyung, I.” Jimin starts, and stops because he has no idea how to continue.

Taemin seems to understand, because there is reassurance in his voice. “Jimin. You trusted me enough to call me. Trust in me for this, too.”

Jimin closes his eyes tightly. What does that say about him, that it’s somehow…

Easier.

It’s easier. To trust Taemin. He may not have much faith in himself but someone like Taemin? He doesn’t know how Taemin realized this, but... there really is no question about trusting the judgement of someone he both likes as a person, _and_ looks up to in so much - Taemin, with almost a decade of experience, and all the results of the meteoric improvement that every idol measures themselves by stamped as proof in his existence.

Jimin breathes out shakily. 

“Jimin?” Taemin is still there, still patient, and Jimin is so lucky.

“Yeah,” he finally whispers. “I’ll… yes. That… thank you, hyung.” He isn’t in any shape to reply eloquently, so he just nods as he scrubs at his eyes with his sleeves. 

Taemin seems to understand, and gives Jimin a few moments to compose himself.

When Taemin switches the subject to something innocuous, Jimin is only too glad to let him. They talk for half an hour more, and neither of them refers to their original subject apart from Taemin pausing a moment after they wind down.

“Jiminnie?”

“Yeah?”

“Steady?”

Jimin smiles despite himself. It’s what they’re usually asked right before they go live.

“Ready, hyung,” Jimin replies in the same code, and smiles as he hears the answering laugh on the other end. 

“Good,” Taemin murmurs. “Do your best.”

“Thanks, hyung,” he says, voice quiet. “For everything.”

\---

Jimin is still smiling an hour after the conversation as he heads to the practise room. He feels calmer, now; lighter than he’s felt in months. Sungwoon was right, after all. He’s glad he got over his nerves.

With all the relief the conversation offered him, it occurs to Jimin that he’s probably opened himself up somewhat more than he had intended. He remembers Taemin’s thoughtful silences, and flashes back to Moonkyu’s words. It’s a little bit scary to think about, to be honest, even though he wonders what else Taemin has seen in him. Hopefully Taemin doesn’t mind indulging him - he doesn’t know if he’s better off knowing, or if it’d just be easier to live in blissful oblivion.

Well. Considering the conversation they just had… he’ll probably find out soon enough. 

He still doesn’t stop smiling.

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥ ? (pls let me know!)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimin tries his best, really. Despite Taemin pressing (a lot) of buttons.

The weeks that follow are extremely busy. The anticipation from the fans translate to bright-eyed excitement among the staff, and the members themselves. Jimin, even a month back, would have focused more on the pressures that came with the heightened expectations – this usually meant cutting down on even the little sleep he gets and hunkering down in the practice rooms and studio, trying to get everything as close to perfect as he can.

Now, though… he feels a little more relaxed, a little more comfortable with his own skill levels. Not that anyone looking from outside can tell – Jimin’s form of being relaxed is spending 2 hours on individual repeats of the choreo rather than 4, cutting down on practicing the high notes 50 times less, in favour of making minor changes for stability during the runs to the note that make it easier to get to it instead; another tidbit from the high-note master Jonghyun, via Taemin, that’s helping him nail the notes firmer than he used to. 

Or maybe it’s just his believing it that’s making the difference. He’s vague on all the psychology stuff, but knows it works.

He’s a little gratified when it shows when he’s performing. Granted, it’s in subtle ways that maybe only he could tell, but he _can_ tell; both when he’s onstage, and when he’s monitoring himself, later. He finds that he’s less focused on making each and every movement as technically perfect as possible, less tense about remembering each and every lesson from the coaches, and it allows him a bit more freedom. Freedom to blank out and just go by the feel of the music, and how it thrums through his body, whether it be singing, dancing, or performing for the camera.

It feels a little more like the time when he first discovered dancing, and the joy of realizing that he was _good_ at it, that he instinctively understood the movements, and how to use his body to translate thoughts into action.

It’s with this mood that he films the music video, and he’s… cautiously optimistic. The doubts have not magically gone away, and he still monitors everything with obsessive detail, but maybe the second-guessing isn’t as harsh as it used to be. He hopes. He still has to learn to let go, the way Taemin told him. He does want to get better.

At the time, he wonders at first whether anyone else would be able to see the difference in himself, because it’s so obvious to him.

He’s still surprised when they do.

He gets approving nods and smiles from the staff, and also shouts and elbow jabs from the other six – the members are never quiet in their appreciation – and more than a few teasing winks and playful comments, because, apparently, he’s a little shameless when he relaxes.

Well. Not like he didn’t know that about himself. There’s a reason he decided to go the idol route and not the dance route.

The stage performances, too – he jerks into attention when the stage crew calls out in the usual way, but sometimes he imagines Taemin’s voice overlaid, imagines he can see his dark eyes in front of the lights, the enigmatic smile quirking at him. It both simultaneously calms his nerves, and sends his heartbeat picking up.

And considering that SHINee’s promoting right along with them, it’s probably not even just imaginary. 

Proving his hopes true, Taemin does text, sometimes, and they do manage to steal a few quick moments when they’re actually in the same place together. It doesn’t go unnoticed.

“I didn’t know you knew anyone in SHINee,” Taehyung is the first to ask him, eyebrows raised in surprise.

Considering Taehyung hasn’t been able to go an hour before he cracks out something about the hwarang-hyungs (and he’s gotten particularly close to Minho, as the other actor-idol), he probably is honestly surprised that Jimin hasn’t done the same.

“Well, you know.” Jimin tries for nonchalant. “It just kinda happened. Taemin hyung is easy to talk to, and he… he introduced me to his friends, and they gave me some tips-”

If Taehyung’s eyebrows go any higher, it’d meld with his hair.

“Taemin. The guy who’s known to just hang around with the other 4 members, and the guys he knows from like, middle school, _that_ Taemin.”

“It isn’t just-” Jimin starts weakly.

“The guy you’ve had an on-and-off celeb crush on for ages, that Taemin-”

Jimin flushes. “I have _not_!”

Later, when he’d seen Jimin’s ‘thanks to’ blurb in the album, Taehyung actually turns around and looks at Jimin for a whole minute. Jimin flushes and waits for it, coz Taehyung’s lips does the thing, and Jimin cringes internally, but Tae just shakes his head and said nothing, in the end.

He isn’t as lucky with the rest of them, though.

Hoseok seeks him out at first, predictably, half about making Jimin feel guilty about not introducing them when Jimin seemed like he’d made such good friends, and half about apologizing that he wasn’t able to help Jimin as much, that he’d clearly needed help from another group of dancers.

Jimin had stared, open-mouthed – he hadn’t thought anyone would look at it _that_ way, but with Hoseok, he really should have. It all ended up in a flurry of apologies from both sides among loud explanations, and some (manly!) back slapping, and lots of hugs.

Namjoon and Yoongi does the eyebrow thing in vastly different ways.

Seokjin loudly bewails about Jimin forgetting his members, and that he and Taehyung would leave them to join SHINee. There’s a lot of laughter.

Jungkook, though…

Jungkook goes a little weird.

He doesn’t say much when Jimin chatters with Taemin, Ravi, or Jongin during music shows, but Jimin sees the surprise on his face when they get the first copies of the album. He waits for it, but Jungkook doesn’t bring it up.

At all.

After that, Jungkook seems to ignore him completely whenever he talks to anyone from the group – whether it be Moonkyu, drunk-calling at the worst possible time, sending Jimin into a gigglefit barely 5 minutes before they’re due on stage, or when he laughs with Wonshik or Taemin during shows.

Jimin is kind of disconcerted at the deliberate lack of reaction; he’d expected - well. He doesn’t know _what_ he expected, considering how unpredictable Jungkook is, sometimes, but this kind of measured non-reaction wasn’t it.

He’s probably just overthinking it. 

He has vague thoughts of talking with Jungkook about it, to make sure he isn’t mad or anything like that – if Jimin was in his place, with Jungkook becoming close to some well-known seniors, he’d be at least a little hurt if Jungkook said nothing about it, so…

He kind of procrastinates on it, because there’s just _so many things_ to do, and then it kind of falls by the wayside. Besides, Jungkook doesn’t say anything, and their interactions with each other don’t change much. He’s close with Kookie, after all, but Jimin’s new group of friends is now known by everyone he cares about. There are no secrets anymore, so it’s probably fine.

Well. No secrets that he’s willing to share, at least, because the skips in his heart, and the feeling of butterflies in his stomach that seem to gradually intensify the more time he spends with Taemin; that’s a secret he’s not ready to share with _anyone_ , not even Taemin himself. Barring extenuating circumstances, of course. And to his mingled hope and exasperation, there are _a lot_ of them.

Moonkyu laughs at him when he walks into Taemin’s living room one day and stops dead because Taemin is lying on the floor, wearing a faded sleeveless top that’s so worn that it’s almost see-through, and what looks like the world’s most comfortable pair of sweatpants.

Jimin is usually charmed by how little Taemin cares about image during his private time, and his predilection of wearing old, comfy clothes, but the thing with Taemin is, is that he’s _gorgeous_. Classically so, that he could literally wear 3 year old, utterly shapeless clothes and _still_ carry it off – Jimin isn’t the only one kind of a little jealous of his physique – he’s even heard Kibum-hyung scold Taemin at his (utter lack of) fashion, in between mutterings of how Taemin wastes his body’s potential. And he’s effortlessly stunning in a way, because sometimes Taemin doesn’t seem to have any idea that he’s most distracting when he’s not even trying. Thankfully.

(The times he _does_ know, Jimin prefers not to dwell on, for his own sanity.)

Like now; sprawled comfortably, paying no attention to the video game fight between Wonshik and Sungwoon. The t-shirt is so soft it shows every hard plane of his chest, and his collarbones rise invitingly against the faded black. Jimin tears his eyes away only to lock on the sight of his sweatpants hanging low on his hips, a strip of stomach showing above it, and oh god Jimin is in trouble.

He’s in _so much trouble_ , and Taemin hasn’t even noticed him yet, too involved with peering into the giant bowl of fruit next to him. Luckily (or unluckily), Moonkyu has, and Jimin can only hope that he’s feeling sympathetic.

Jimin’s face must look a sight, because Moonkyu actually takes his hand and pulls Jimin to him, before Taemin can wave him over next to him, because there is no way Jimin would have been able to resist, no way at all.

“Breathe,” Moonkyu murmurs into his ear a little while later, when Taemin is distracted by whatever Sungwoon is doing with Wonshik. 

Jimin determinedly keeps his eyes on the TV, and realizes that he’s been holding his breath. He chances a glance at Taemin, and oh god, his shoulders are wider than it looks and he wants to- no, stop, danger, DANGER-

His rebellious brain immediately starts looping the chorus of Taemin’s song, and god _damnit_.

Taemin is a few feet in front of him, and the t-shirt is pretty much transparent, which means he has a great view of shifting back muscles whenever Taemin moves.

He actually whimpers a little bit.

“I’m- I need to leave. I need to leave _right now_ ,” Jimin hisses, and Moonkyu bites his lips to keep from laughing, and Jimin appreciates his restraint, because he’s embarrassed by _himself_.

“So, how goes it? Though I probably don’t need to ask,” Moonkyu waggles his eyebrows, glancing pointedly at Taemin.

Jimin blinks, and looks over at where Taemin is sitting, barely five steps away, and stares at Moonkyu. Moonkyu raises his eyebrows in question. Jimin sighs in defeat, but keeps silent.

“I thought you were getting better about this,” Moonkyu says, grinning.

Jimin thought so too, and says as much. Moonkyu snickers in response.

“Did you ask him yet?” Moonkyu asks, perching his face inquisitively on his fists.

Jimin would like very much to pretend to be clueless, but his brain and mouth seem to be cut-off from each other at this point.

“No, because I’m not an idiot,” he says waspishly, and immediately feels bad. Moonkyu, though, doesn’t even blink.

“Why not? I thought things were improving with you two. And you’ve been meeting everywhere, lately. Granted, there’s not much privacy…” 

“I, um, yeah.” Jimin bites his lip. “It was never the right time, and it’s just… I’m kind of awkward at this.”

“Never would’ve guessed,” Moonkyu states, deadpan, and Jimin gives in to the urge to push his face into the cushions.

“So, why don’t you ask him today?” Moonkyu asks, once they’ve got over their impromptu wrestling match, and Jimin is squashed against him on the couch in defeat.

“What.”

“Today,” Moonkyu repeats. I’ll get the rest of them out, and you can-”

“No!” Jimin blurts, eyes wide. “I. I’m not, I haven’t, I _can’t_ -” Jimin stammers to a stop.

Moonkyu is laughing. “It’s not like it’s an exam that you gotta prepare for. Speak from your _heart_ , maknae-”

“Oh my god, hyung, please stop.”

“You can even quote some of your song lines at him, but not if it’s too romantic, he’s literally allergic to mushiness.”

“I’m not gonna quote my own songs when I’m confessing, hyung, what the fuck-”

“No? Well, you’ll do well then. Just hop on his dick. You’re adorable and he won’t be able to resist, never fear.”

“-and our songs are not mushy!” Jimin finishes, indignant, then registers what Moonkyu actually said. He immediately blushes bright red, making Moonkyu snort with laughter.

“Also, I can’t do it now, it’s not the right time…” Jimin continues, determined despite the warmth he still feels on his face and neck. 

Moonkyu stares. “Are you serious,” he says. “Look at him.” And Jimin doesn’t want to, in case his eyes rebel too, and stop looking anywhere else. 

“He’s relaxed, he’s comfortable, you probably won’t get a better time. I mean, if you wanted to wait till spring or something, and get flowers and things-”

“Hyung!”

“-that’s a bad idea, because he’ll probably run away.”

Jimin blinks, and then thinks about it. “Really?” he asks, intrigued, as images of himself clutching a bouquet staring woebegone after a fleeing Taemin coming to mind. 

“Absolutely,” Moonkyu replies sagely. They make the mistake of meeting each other’s eyes.

Jimin is clutching his stomach weakly, still giggling, Moonkyu is still snorting at odd intervals when Sungwoon stalks over.

“What on earth is going on here?” He kicks at Moonkyu. “Are you corrupting Jiminnie again?”

“Excuse me,” Moonkyu says, offended. “I am giving him sage advice, as his wise hyung-” 

“Uh-huh,” Sungwoon says, clearly not believing a word. “Maybe let Taemin handle the rest?”

Moonkyu freezes, just for a second, then grins, with a knowing glance at Jimin. “Of course!” he chirps, and scrambles up, slapping Jimin on the back. “I’m sure Taemin will handle everything just fine!”

Sungwoon eyes him suspiciously, but lets it go with a distracted smile at Jimin.

Jimin is appalled, because within the next few minutes, Sungwoon forces Moonkyu into his jacket, and Wonshik puts on his shoes too, waving a goodbye, and before he knows it, he’s alone with Taemin, who walks over to the couch and slumps next to him with an exhale. He’s still holding on to the giant bowl.

“Fruit, Jiminnie? There’s mango.”

“Um,” Jimin fidgets. “I’m not really a fan.” The forks clatter messily to the floor when Taemin shifts to be more comfortable. He sighs, gives a considering glance in the direction of the kitchen, and immediately gives up, relaxing into the cushions.

“Well,” Taemin says, gingerly using his hand to withdraw a giant slice; “more for me, then.” 

“Mm,” Jimin says, distracted, because mangos are messy, and that’s another thing he doesn’t like about them, but Taemin is biting into the slice, and his lips look shiny and there’s juice running down his chin. There’s juice running down his chin, down his lips, and oh god, it’s slowly sliding even _lower_.

“Sorry about the mess,” Taemin says, and Jimin nods absently, eyes fixed on the drop that’s now trailing down the pale column of Taemin’s throat.

Dammit. He’s always hated mangos, and now it’s like the damned fruit is taking revenge on him, because he can’t get up even if he wants to. Taemin doesn’t seem to notice – he’s peering into the bowl, still. “Hmm there’s watermelon.”

And to Jimin’s frustration, he starts eating those, too. With his fingers, _again_.

“Do you, do you want a spoon or something, hyung?” Jimin tries a last attempt at self-preservation.

Taemin considers the watermelon piece in his hand. “Well, I’m already all sticky anyway, so… eh.”

So much for that. Then Taemin’s _tongue_ starts making an appearance, and Jimin’s brain shuts down. 

Taemin pops the watermelon into his mouth, and Jimin can’t look anywhere else but his lips. Then the movement of Taemin’s mouth slows, and Jimin frowns. And those lips are breaking into a smile, and Jimin sighs a little. He’s always loved Taemin’s smile.

“-imin… Jiminnie?”

Jimin starts and refocuses. Taemin is looking right at him, still smiling. 

“Um, right. Y-yes?” His voice doesn’t crack or anything embarrassing, thank all the gods.

“I was asking if you’re sure you don’t want any. I’m gonna finish this, otherwise.”

Yes, please do, Jimin thinks, but doesn’t say. Then they could go back to doing innocuous stuff like…. Like _not_ eating messy fruits with fingers.

And then Taemin, still smiling, takes a piece of watermelon, brings it to his mouth, and bites into it. Without looking away.

Jimin _chokes_.

Taemin eats the watermelon slowly, never once looking away from Jimin. Which makes his hand even messier, and Jimin is not breathing. He’s not breathing, but how can he even think of anything else but staring when Taemin is slowly, leisurely licking at the back of his hand, turning his hand to chase the drops that strayed to his palm, and he’s _still staring at Jimin_.

Jimin needs to- he needs to do _something_ , something that isn’t just sitting here and, and. Staring at Taemin as he’s _sucking on his fingers_.

“You’re sure you don’t want anything, Jiminnie?” Taemin is lying relaxed into the couch cushions, like there’s nothing unusual about what he’s doing, with ruffled hair and a half-smile tracing his lips in the late afternoon sunlight, and Jimin doesn’t think he can be blamed for being unable to form words.

The incoherent sound that Jimin releases results in Taemin’s lips curving into a smirk, and oh god, Jimin should… he should… _do something_ , if Taemin can just-

Taemin raises his chin a bit, and his eyelids come down halfway, and his arm drops down to relax against his stomach, his hands dangerously close to – no, Jimin’s not going there, no. And his fingers twitch, like he’s about to trace around his own-

And then Jimin is suddenly way closer to those lips than before, and he dimly realizes Taemin shaking with laughter when he hears the clatter of something hitting the floor, and shit, was it that damned bowl of fucking fruit, and wait, wait, _Taemin’s_ position hasn’t changed, he’s still sprawled against the couch, so that means _Jimin_ must have been the one who has moved, _is still moving_ , because Taemin’s lips are all he can see-

Their lips crash together, and Jimin’s gasps out loud, his heart stuttering in his chest, the butterflies in his stomach multiplying when his hands grip on to satin skin and firm shoulders, and he’s _kissing Taemin_.

And then Taemin’s lips part, his tongue tracing lightly against his own, and all of Jimin’s thoughts scatter away like leaves in the wind.

 

\---

(tbc).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review? :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimin admits things. Just not verbally. Good thing both he and Taemin are used to that.

Jimin has been distracted all week, and thank god they don’t have too many schedules, or it would have been glaringly obvious that Something Was Up with him. He’s gotten used to living with the eyes of so many on him now, but he can still be surprised at some of the things that people around him notice, even if they don’t know each other too well. And the less that can be said of eagle-eyed fans who manage to notice altogether too much, the better.

Jimin has never met anyone who's affected him quite as much as Taemin has, in the relatively small amount of time they’ve known each other. Granted, his time at school had been an innocent time all around, even though his dance classes gave him opportunities to be more familiar with girls than most of his classmates. The only sort-of-confidence he’d had back then had been in his dancing, not in anything else, including his looks; and that mentality hadn’t really been conducive to sweet confessions under the trees. 

It’s really amazing how Taemin seems to know exactly what makes him lose his head, and how to calm him down, when even _Jimin_ himself is still figuring it out. And this, when they’ve barely been starting to explore each other.

He probably should be worried. He determinedly tries not to think about the absolute last thing he should be thinking about, but, as always, his brain is a bitter traitor.

 

*

 

Jimin is tracing the trail of that damned fruit down Taemin’s throat, and feels a hand tightening in his hair. He’s reached Taemin’s adams apple, and he loves hearing the soft sounds Taemin makes as he kisses and licks his way down. Taemin’s fingers are still tangled in his hair when Jimin reaches his collarbones, and they clench tighter when Jimin does something right. Emboldened, he indulges himself, chasing the soft dips and planes with his lips and tongue. He’s tugged back gently for long, languorous kisses every so often, the hazy heat of the afternoon seeping into their bones, blunting the sharp edges of desire into something more lazy and languid. 

Taemin sighs when Jimin shifts into a more comfortable position, hands around Taemin’s waist, and ends up nuzzling against the base of Taemin’s neck. Jimin’s eyelashes brush against the skin there, and Taemin’s soft laugh in response to the light sensation makes Jimin smile, too.

Taemin’s hands rest at his back, his fingers absently tracing up and down his spine. Jimin has calmed down somewhat, but his eyes are closed and his attention is pretty much evenly split between the smooth arc of Taemin’s neck, and the little touches against his back. There could probably be an earthquake or something and he wouldn’t even know. Or care. 

“Hey,” Taemin murmurs almost directly into Jimin’s ear, the warm breath hitting the sensitive earlobes. “You’re not sleeping there, are you?” 

Jimin tries not to shiver. “Would serve you right if I was,” he grumbles into Taemin’s skin, eyes fluttering at the light laugh he provokes in response. Taemin’s lips are grazing against his ear, and it’s horribly distracting. Some annoying pins and needles wouldn’t really be any effective revenge, but it’d at least be _something_.

Taemin’s voice is impish. “Is that what you say after I’ve been so helpful-” 

“Hyung, please.” Jimin can’t _not_ respond - his short-term mental and physical health probably depends on this. He tries, but his response turns into a plea despite himself. “Any more help and I’ll probably get a heart attack.” 

And then he sighs, because Taemin’s shoulders are shaking with poorly-hidden laughter, and really, his face can’t have been _that_ hilarious. 

Hopefully. 

Maybe. 

He purses his lips. Who is he kidding. “As it is, I probably can’t look at fruits the same way ever again,” he laments. 

Taemin loses his battle against the giggles and Jimin shouldn’t find it as cute as he does. “Well,” Taemin gasps out. “I wouldn’t want to be boring. You might fall asleep for real, then.” 

There’s laughter in his voice, and Jimin almost thinks about being indignant, but then one of Taemin’s hands makes its way up to play with the hair at the nape of Jimin’s neck. He feels his stomach tighten every time the tips of Taemin’s fingers brush against the sensitive skin, and all his thoughts kind of just… float away.

“I don’t see a problem with that, either,” he murmurs instead, and turns his head into the touches. 

Really, Taemin is warm and soft, and his hands seem to be magical at making Jimin relax despite making him aware of his body in the most delicious way, and Jimin doesn’t want to move even a _centimeter_. 

“No? Well, as a proper host, I can’t leave you to lie around on the couch.” Taemin’s voice turns mischievous. “I might have to invite you to bed-” 

Jimin’s breath hitches at the images his mind generates at Taemin’s words. 

“-but I’m not easy enough to put out on the first date, maknae.” 

“Uh-huh.” Jimin huffs a laugh, turning his face into the curve of Taemin’s shoulder. “Really didn’t take you to be the wining, dining and wooing type, hyung.” 

“Mm, true,” Taemin seems to agree, tilting his head slightly forward, and the tip of his tongue slowly starts tracing the outer edges of Jimin’s earlobe. Jimin’s eyes scrunch shut even as his hands grasp on to Taemin’s shoulders in response.

“Wining and dining is nice sometimes…” Taemin is continuing, and Jimin really is having trouble paying attention to words, here; “…but not necessary.” 

Taemin delicately nibbles on the area that he’d been laving with his tongue, and Jimin swallows against the embarrassing noises he feels building up. Taemin is hardly doing anything, and really, the last thing he wants Taemin to realize is the extent to how his touch affects him. Though he might have already lost the battle, there. 

“Wooing, though…” 

Jimin shudders. Taemin’s voice should be illegal. Maybe this was one of the reasons Jonghyun hyung didn’t mind overseeing his vocal lessons – the rasp that’s naturally in Taemin’s voice seems to be a physical hook that curls around his belly button and _pulls_. How is any sane person expected to resist? 

“Well.” Taemin kisses his way down Jimin’s ear to his jaw. “That depends.”

Half of Jimin’s body feels like melted goo, and the other half feels taut, like stretched violin strings. “Depends on what?” he breathes out.

Taemin leisurely withdraws his hands from around Jimin and he almost whines from the loss. Fingers glide gently across Jimin’s jaw as he draws back, and Jimin’s lips part when Taemin’s thumb teases over them.

“On the wooing, of course,” Taemin says, lips turning up when Jimin’s eyes widen. Taemin shifts away from Jimin to lie back across the couch, stretching like a cat. His t-shirt rides up and exposes muscles that shift and flex, and Jimin’s hand clenches on the fabric of Taemin’s sweatpants.

Jimin is frozen, unsure of what to do next, whether he’s getting the signals right, or if he’s wildly misinterpreting, uncertain of what he’ll be allowed. Some of that must show on his face, because there's a change in Taemin’s eyes. 

And then Jimin is choking on his breath because Taemin shrugs out of his t-shirt carelessly, and god, it’s like Taemin’s making a habit of this. And, well, alright. It might be hard on Jimin’s heart, and his eyes might be wider than they’ve ever been, but he can absolutely get used to it.

Taemin leans back again, positioning himself almost the same as before, except now there's a challenge in his eyes. 

"I thought you don't put out on the first date, hyung," Jimin manages, when he can finally get his tongue to work. 

Taemin makes a nonchalant noise, but his eyes spark. "No,” he affirms, and his lips quirk up. “But maybe I could be convinced to do so in the next ones," he says playfully, resting his head against the couch, arm carelessly dropping down to the side.

Jimin stares.

Taemin raises a brow.

Okay. 

Okay then.

Jimin inhales.

So that’s what he’s going to be doing now. _Convincing._

Right. Jimin can totally do that. His secret fantasies of Taemin are kind of vague and hazy; he’d felt more than a little shame about them once he actually started to know Taemin as a friend. But the nebulous dreams of the night are now solidifying into crisp-edged reality; his previous resignation about his inability to reach this particular goal shattering. And now, he just _wants_. He wants _so badly_.

Jimin wets his lips and stares down at all that skin on display.

 _Oh God_.

It’s just, he doesn’t know where to even start, now that he’s been given carte-blanche.

Jimin thinks that Taemin maybe figures he’d pounce on him, like what happened when Taemin did… what he did. And Jimin _does_ want to, he wants to touch every inch of Taemin, wants to see exactly what makes him gasp, and what makes him _moan_ , wants to follow his hands with his lips and his tongue, making every second count. And despite telling himself that he’ll (probably) get another chance, he still doesn’t want to waste _this one_.

But if he’s really being honest…

Jimin takes in a deep breath, Taemin’s gaze prickling over his skin.

Maybe Taemin wants to be sure that Jimin really wants him, that it isn’t just hormones and familiarity. And maybe people would jump at the chance to show how deep their desire burns. But more than that, even, is the fact that Jimin hasn’t really faced how far he’s allowed Taemin to mean to him. He has the feeling that it’s more than he’s comfortable admitting, even to himself. He’s shied away from the thought, deeming it as an impossibility despite Moonkyu’s encouragement, and maybe that’s unfair.

And maybe it’s time he does admit it. Both to himself, and to Taemin.

He should do what Moonkyu suggested, grab his chance with everything he has. And in the process, show Taemin as well. And he needs to be honest in this, needs Taemin to realize, and most of all, needs to grab his courage and his heart with both hands. Make Taemin see exactly what it is he’s offering, _consciously_.

He wonders if Taemin has any idea. Whether Taemin will even get what he’s trying to show him.

Well. Jimin bites his lip. Only one way to find out.

Jimin moves backward till his knees are on either side of Taemin’s legs. Taemin’s gaze has turned quizzical, but Jimin’s surety is solidifying. Because really, as far as Taemin’s come, he’s a dancer first, just like Jimin. And now Jimin’s in the exact position he needs to be in order to reach out and slowly run his fingers along the arch of Taemin’s foot.

Taemin’s feet are not particularly beautiful – they’re knobbly and show the calluses of long, hard hours spent in the practice room. And they’re also the main point for Taemin’s impeccable balance, emphasizing the footwork that always seem to come so naturally to him.

Jimin touches slowly, gradually, using just the tips of his fingers first, then gradually curling his hands over the heel. When he moves his hands up towards the ankle, he lowers his head and presses a kiss right up against the arch. He pays attention to every callus, spends time touching each toe, dipping his head to kiss each one.

Jimin takes his time, inching slowly upwards, peppering his touches with soft kisses. Taemin huffs a laugh when Jimin caresses the back of his knee, apparently ticklish, and Jimin can’t help but smile in response, mouthing kisses on his calves. The sweatpants Taemin is wearing is worn so soft that Jimin can feel the muscles beneath clenching under his touch and his lips. Jimin is slow, steady, and by the time Jimin reaches the top of Taemin’s thigh, it’s obvious that Taemin is half-hard. 

Jimin’s cheeks redden even as his breath stutters, and he chances a glance up. Taemin is statue-still, eyes locked on his, gaze blown black and inscrutable. His lips look damp and bitten red. For a long moment, Jimin simply stares, unable to break their shared gaze. 

His hands clench on Taemin’s thigh as he slowly leans back down without looking away, to drop the softest of kisses over Taemin’s hardness, through the soft cloth. Taemin’s hands twitch where they lie across the couch, but otherwise Taemin doesn’t move. But his gaze turns liquid, and Jimin shudders, his own eyes sliding shut in self-preservation. 

He’s fine. More than fine. What’s happening is amazing, beyond his wildest dreams. 

He just needs to. Just needs to take a minute, here. 

Jimin had wanted to slow things down when he started, but this almost feels more intimate than if they’d just proceeded to have a hot and heavy makeout session. The air between them feels charged, each breath almost suffocating in its intensity, more so for the gentleness of the touches between them. 

Jimin couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ have done it any other way, though. 

Because Taemin wasn’t someone he could just let himself paw at with abandon - half because he was afraid that if he’d started, he may never be able to stop. And half because it was _Taemin_ , and Jimin just… can’t seem to treat him like everybody else. He doesn’t know why.

It’s like his mind has drawn an invisible line between Taemin and everyone in the world including himself. A line in the sand, like a glass wall separation.

A separation that makes Jimin want to be… better, to be _more_ , just to step over, even temporarily.

He takes a few seconds to settle himself, his fingers curling around the elastic of Taemin’s sweatpants, breath ghosting over bare skin. He drags a slow breath in and lets his eyes fall to the golden skin of Taemin’s stomach. His mouth dries, and he can’t help peeking up for permission before he starts touching.

Taemin still doesn’t move, and Jimin takes it as assent. He finally sides his thumbs over the skin under Taemin’s bellybutton, eyes skating over the hard planes of abdominal muscle, hands sliding to the sides even as he drops gentle kisses over each inch of skin his fingers follow, rubbing his cheek languorously against the soft dip of Taemin’s stomach.

He’s surprised Taemin, he knows. 

When he looks back up, Taemin is staring at him, and this time Jimin can see bemusement in his eyes. Jimin is already feeling the heat of a blush, inwardly cringing – he knows what most guys in his position might’ve started, knows what Taemin had expected, even with his slow start. But Jimin… he wants to continue on, wants to keep going for as long as he can. They have time.

But maybe the deliberate pace he’s set may be too slow, for Taemin. Maybe _Taemin_ wants more than Jimin’s light caresses, wants more than Jimin’s slow exploration; no matter how reverent. Jimin can admit to himself that maybe this is rather too one-way, maybe Taemin wants more participation, maybe he’s had enough of humoring Jimin, maybe…

Jimin jerks his head up in a sudden panic, but instead of the teasing Jimin’s halfway expecting, Taemin’s lips part in a half-smile that takes Jimin’s breath away. Jimin is holding his breath, half-doubting if he could keep doing what he was doing, but Taemin drops his head back against the couch, still smiling, and _lets him_.

 

*

It’s been a struggle for him to concentrate, the past few days. His mind keeps flashing back to Taemin; giving reminders at the most inopportune times. Like now, when practicing, when it’s the worst time to feel knees getting weak. He takes a deep breath and deliberately blanks out all other thoughts, to the exception of the music. 

The song is on loop, so he has no idea how long he’s been practicing till he hears an exclamation from the other side of the room.

“Whoa.”

Jimin blinks when he comes back to himself, and turns to look at Namjoon, who’s leaning against the wall, watching.

“You didn’t even see me come in, huh,” he says, shaking his head as he comes to stand next to him, Jimin nodding a greeting. Now he remembers - Namjoon has been trying to get a tricky part in the main choreo, and Jimin had promised to help him.

“Sorry, hyung,” he says, sheepish. “I kinda didn’t notice the time.”

“No, it’s fine,” Namjoon says, stretching. “You always do go totally into everything you do.”

Jimin freezes in place.

 

_“So, all in… hm, Jimin?” Taemin’s voice is fond, the amused murmur making Jimin shiver against the other. He turns his head into the other, hiding his face against Taemin’s neck in wordless acquiescence, Taemin brushing a soft kiss on his forehead in response._

 

“Yeah,” Jimin murmurs, ducking his head to hide his blush. “Yeah, I guess so.”

 

*  
(tbc)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for this taking too long. With recent events in the fandom, it has taken me awhile to be functional with fandom things especially... thank you to everyone who has been waiting for an update, and to all the commenters. I hope the chapter lives up to expectations.


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